I had a public outburst. Quiet ole me, got into a public argument with a someone I did not know.
He accused me of cutting him in the line at a coffee shop. After taking the order of the person in front of me, the girl at the register, immediately asked me for my order. Out of nowhere, I hear a loud aggressive voice saying, “Its my turn, I was behind her”. Now honestly, I am passive and I avoid any confrontation. Its not me. In fact my initial response was that I was sorry.
My apology didn’t mean much, he looked down at me and continued to tell me that he was standing behind the woman who was in front of me. I guess you can say I lost it. I pointed to where he was standing, and told him that no, he was not standing in front me or behind the woman who was ahead of me. He was actually standing where you would pick up your drink, which is not on the line. He continued on, trying to get me to engage in this disagreement, saying things I can’t remember because I was so irritated and annoyed with him. I had another outburst, telling him to “just order, you wanted to order, so order”.
At first I was shocked, because it was so unlike me, and it scared me a little. Then I was embarrassed, because there were people in the shop. However, I realized they were on my side. None of them thought he was on the line. So I started to feel good about myself.
Conflicting feelings continued. As I walked to the subway, I started to feel bad because he was an older gentlemen. Not real old, but a older gentlemen nonetheless, and I always speak to older people with a level of respect. When I finally got on a train, I realized I did something I rarely do, I stood up for myself. If I hadn’t spoken back, he would of continued to ridicule me in front of the very patrons I was initially embarrassed about.
It wasn’t until later in the day, I remembered my resolution about standing up for myself. I didn’t have to force it, didn’t rehearse for it, It was spontaneous, and maybe that was why I was initially surprised by it. For some, this might seem like nothing, but for this gal its quite a big deal. I spoke up, I fought back. It felt good.