When Plans Fall Apart

I don’t consider myself to very organized but I have always been a planner.  As I was approaching the end of my college career, I made a list of the ways I was going to tackle post college life.  It was my five year plan.  How I was going to get my feel on solid ground and take life on.

The list is in  a notebook I use to jot down notes for miscellaneous things.  For sometime now, I have intentionally avoided that page.  I knew what was on it, and really did not want to see it.  Recently, I was going through the notebook, and stopped on this page.  I hadn’t plan on reading over my list, but in the spur of the moment, I looked over my hand writing and read what I wrote almost 5 years ago.

I felt this overwhelming feeling of disappointment.  On top of that, failure.  Not much has changed since I jotted down my plans, and yet so much has.  I was ambitious, and optimistic when I wrote my plans.  I have met so many setbacks that is hard for me to recognize the optimistic girl with the rosy outlook.  I did write it, so I was her once upon a time.

I tried to figure out where I came across my first hiccup.  I couldn’t put my finger on it. It doesn’t matter what that first hiccup was.  What matters was that I didn’t adjust.  I made plans, things fell apart, and I couldn’t adjust.  I was moving  in a haze of confusion.

I like order, I like going to work or school knowing what I’m going to do every day.  If a professor  canceled a class while I was a student, I would be ecstatic  of course, but at the same time, I’m trying to figure what I’m going to do with myself.  At work, I really need to see the schedule for the next day before I leave.  I can’t help it.  And if someone changes it, I’m thrown off completely.  I’m learning to adjust. Its necessary.

The old saying “life is what happens when your busy making plans” has never been more true for me.  The other cliche about life having twist and turns , true for me as well.  I waited for things to fall into place, so I could get  back to my list, after all I had a plan. The thing is, you can plan all you want to, nothing is certain. What matters is how you respond when things don’t go your way.   Thats life. Lesson learned.

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