Control and Worry

I saw this quote today, and immediately thought about how easy it is to dismiss worrying.  Its easy to say, “there’s nothing you can do about it anyway”, or “whatever is going to happen is going to happen”.  Its easy to say this because it is true.

We worry about things we can’t control, because we’re not in control, and we have no power over them.  If we had any control over the things that worry us, we wouldn’t worry about them.  We feel powerless.  The decision or the outcome is not in our hands, and that is terrifying for someone who lives on power, control and order.

Even as we worry, deep down, we know our worrying is useless, but It doesn’t make it any easier to stop.  It doesn’t make it any easier to relax.  It is the lack of control drives it.  There is going to be a outcome, and you have no control over it.  Period.

So its easy to dismiss someone’s worrying, and they’ll continue to carry the umbrella, because in their minds, its going to rain, and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Too Big To Fail: Fear of Failure….and Success?

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Too Big To Fail.”

Tell us about something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail (and tell us why you haven’t tried it yet).

I would attempt to be a full time writer.  I would write books, I would write articles for magazines, and online publications.  It would be my career.  Making my hours, working from where I want to work, doing what I enjoy.  If you tell me that I am sure to succeed, I would start right away.

So why haven’t I given this some serious thought, or make a serious attempt at it.  Well, the answer is pretty simple, fear.

Fear of failing, and in some ways fear of succeeding.

I can remember back in school, when a teacher would return our written assignments after grading them.  There were a few teachers who encouraged us to share our work, and some would volunteer you to share your work.  I think this was where I started to develop a fear for success.  I was painfully shy, and quiet.  Nothing scared me more than having to stand in front of a class, and read my poems, and other writings.

I had a English teacher who encouraged me to sign up for the school newspaper.  I quit shortly after I started.  The thought of the entire school reading my work was intimidating.

Then there’s the idea of failure.

What scared me most about success was the attention it would bring. I’ve always been intimidated when I knew all eyes were on me.  Failure though would hurt.  It would mean that what I believed about myself was not true.  I can put on a good face for the sake of all the attention I would get if I were to succeed, but there would be no pretending if I were to fail.  Failure would mean that I wasn’t as good as I thought I was.  That would absolutely rock my self esteem.  That could take time some time to come back from.

I know that the “no guarantees” is what makes the journey to success fulfilling. I also know that the “no guarantees” is what keeps many from trying.

Winter Frustrations

Yet another snow storm outside my window.

It seems like we get one every few days.  Just as the snow is smelting away, the streets clearer to walk on, we’re hit with another one.

Its been snowing non stop since this morning.

I am so over it.  Over the snow, and especially over the shoveling it.

Time for winter to see its way out.

The Challenge of Making New Friends

Making friends was so much easier when I was in school.  For nearly seven hours a day, seven days a week, you were with the same people.  In some cases, you were with them year after year.  It was easy and convenient to develop a relationship during these grade school and high school.

In college, it was more challenging.  I went to a commuter school.  Many students were grown adults with families, and people with full time jobs.  I met many wonderful people, and we were always friendly, but when the semester was over, we went our separate ways.  We waved at each other if we saw each other around campus, or stopped for a quick chat.

I’m not the most social person, so meeting new people is challenging for me.  However, I’m very friendly once I get pass the initial introduction.  Friendly is all I become.

I know its not about the amount of friends you have.  I have really good friends.  Friends I have had most of my life.  We’ve grown up though, and we’re scattered.  It would really be nice to have someone or a group of people, I could go out with to a new restaurant that I want to try, rather than wait until all our schedules align.

Most of this isn’t about the people I meet, its really about me.  There have been many opportunities to meet new people, but once again, I’m not great in the social department.  I’m also not great with trust, which is essential to any relationship. I keep my guard up, and very few people try to take it down.  And to be completely honest, its very hard for me to let my guard my down.

So while I’m able to be friendly with new people, the slow walk to actually being friends is still a challenge for me.