I have signed up for another blogging course. So for the next few weeks, I will be responding the prompts delivered to my inbox. Maybe I will publish them here, maybe I won’t. Nothing wrong with keeping an open mind. No pressure.
The first prompt:
To get started, let’s loosen up. Let’s unlock the mind. Today, take twenty minutes to free write. And don’t think about what you’ll write. Just write.
It always seems like the most challenging assignments are the ones where you are told where you have free reign to do what you want.
I recently came across a old journal a few weeks ago. I kept many journals as a kid. I was never the most social kid. In fact, I wasn’t very social at all, and wasn’t one to to strike up conversation. I was very shy, introverted, and I was only comfortable having any kind of relationship with a few people. Most of whom are still some of my closest friends.
From the journal, I notice that my handwriting was a clue to how I was feeling. I didn’t write in cursive at all in this journal, which I thought was interesting because I only wrote in print when I knew someone else would be seeing my work (ie. homework, group work, etc.). When I wrote for myself, I typically wrote in cursive. At least I thought I did.
If the writing was neat, I was either writing from a good place or I was sad. If it was not neat, seemingly rushed or sloppy, the writing showed that I was angry. The fact that my handwriting was neat when things where good, and when I was sad, tells me that I put a lot of thought in what I was writing. The sloppy handwriting, indicates that I was writing on raw emotion.
In this journal, which was from my Middle School days, I was angry or sad often. There weren’t many entries where I was just content, where I wrote because something cool or interesting happened. My sad and angry entries far outnumbered those. Even though I no longer keep a journal, somethings have not changed. I’m not the yelling and screaming type, but doors get slammed, books are thrown, I may break something and I’ll likely regret it later. When I’m hit with the blues, I’m more contemplative and thoughtful. I prefer to just be alone with my thoughts. When I’m ready, I send my best friend a long email or a extra long text. My friend and I go back and forth through messages. I find it therapeutic.
One of the things that surprised me, was how honest I was. Not about what I did or didn’t do, but about my feelings. I wonder if I really had issues expressing how I was feeling, or I was afraid to express it at the time. Maybe I just needed to do it in away where I was comfortable. Where I felt safe. Even now, I only feel comfortable expressing myself to a few people.
It was interesting to go back and read over my journal. Its not like reading old class papers, where I find myself, laughing at my younger self. It was real look into who I was, and what I was feeling, expressing myself in place where I felt safe to do so.