Its an going journey, but I’m learning more about myself every day. I’m also learning to be okay and accept what I’m learning about myself.
The High School years, I was who I was. A shy, introverted girl. I did what I was told, rarely said no, rarely spoke back. The College years, I was still that same girl. Only this time, I was questioning myself. My friends were going to cool parties, joining and starting clubs. I didn’t have those motivations. I turned down party invites. They didn’t intrigue me. Joining groups were intimidating to me. It seemed like all my friends had no problem making new friends. I on the other hand, had no problem meeting new people, but never really develop new friendships. “What was wrong with me,” I’d ask myself.
I eventually took a leap and stepped out. I went to a volunteer session, made a few friends, but the friendships only lasted a semester, but I made the effort. Navigating some of these situations were hard because I was so out of my element. I did them because I felt that they were things I should be doing. All my friends were having these unique college experiences, and I should be having the same.
The biggest lesson that I learned in my quest to be a normal college student, was that I am what I am, and there was nothing wrong with that. I didn’t enjoy some of the things I was doing and found myself miserable. I was happy being myself, than attempting to be something I was not.
I am still very introverted. I prefer reading at home versus partying all weekend. It doesn’t mean that I won’t go to a party every now and then. It means when I go to a party, I go because I want to be there and not because I think I should be there. I have been taken advantage , but in it, I’ve learned to speak for myself.
I wouldn’t say I was lost, but I had no idea who I was. It is hard to know who you are when you are living for someone or something other than yourself. I’m still learning, understanding, and even getting to know myself, but I’ve accepted who I am.