Oh Nerves

I’ve never been good at social and group environments.  There are times when I’m able to blend in, not make myself noticeable.  That is usually a win for me.  A win because I attended, and did not find myself in any situations that take me out of my comfort zone.

Tonight I went to a social event.  It was rather small, and as soon as I realized how many of  us were there, I got fidgety.  When these groups are small, its not so easy to blend in.  At one point, we were asked to introduce ourselves.  Cue the nerves.

I have no idea why these situations make me so nervous.  What is so hard about saying my name dropping a few lines about myself.  Doesn’t sound like much, but  there I was completely nervous.  I kept noticing the number of people before me, and when it was finally my turn, you could hear the nervousness in my voice.

I was embarrassed.  Not because I couldn’t hide the nerves in my voice, but because I was nervous.  Period.  Nervous when I had nothing to really be nervous about .  Embarrassed because the circumstances were simple.  Embarrassed because I didn’t feel in control.  Embarrassed because I didn’t feel as I confident as I should have, and others in the room likely sensed it.

The thing is, its always been that way for me.  I can’t pinpoint when immature feelings of nerves started.  It has always been there and I can’t put a finger on what triggers it.  I just want to walk into a social situation easily, where I am not thinking so hard, and where I’m not over taken by unexplained nerves.

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2 thoughts on “Oh Nerves

  1. Nikki. Don’t worry about it.

    I’m used to being nervous all time because I think about it rather than act on it. If they like bring up a conservation that is worth mentioning, sometimes that can be ended in like 10 seconds later so it is a similar problem and I’m not confident out in public either which explains why I don’t have that many friends.

    I don’t really say anything in group conservations because I don’t really know what to say if they are bringing up conservations which doesn’t interest me.

    In one instance, I was with a group of colleagues (who I had no interests in common) and they brought up the conservation about pets, as I don’t have an interest in pets it was difficult and I was limited.

    Like

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