Or should I say mommy, or should I say mother. I’d love to call you mom, but you and I both know that we don’t have that kind of relationship. Do you want to share your reasons for why that is? I would love for nothing more than to have a normal mother daughter relationship with you. I wonder if you feel the same.
Things between us have always been tense haven’t they? The crazy part is neither one of us knows why. I can admit that I’ve held back when it comes to our relationship. The reason for that is I don’t know what you would do if I did opened up. My fear was that you would reject me, and in some ways, it is still my fear. Hence why we’ve gone on like we have. You stay in your emotional corner and I stay in mine.
I often wonder if it eats at you the way it eats at me. Seeing my friends with their mothers reminds me of the relationship we don’t have. Do you feel the same way with your friends? It would hurt to know that, that doesn’t bother you, because it hurts me. Sometimes it seems you get along just fine, but I wonder, when your alone, do you ever just have a moment?
Its always bothered me that you’ve never been one for positive affection, but yet it is so easy for you to express your displeasure with me. Do you know what does to me? Not only does it my self esteem, it makes me wonder what you think of me.
Its hurts me that you have such a good relationship with sis. It hurts because it is proof that you are capable of the relationship we don’t have. I wonder if something happened when I was born, maybe undiagnosed postpartum depression, or an unwanted pregnancy. I wonder about these things because I’m grasping for answers.
I do want you to know that I think you are a good mother. As a single parent, you worked hard so that we could live in a decent neighborhood, we never went without anything, you encouraged us to be independent and were able to take advantage of opportunities that may come our way. Even with all the emotional toll, I do love and appreciate you. Thank you.
Writing 101 Day 8: Today, write your post as a letter.