Viral Unwanted

So many times I’ve logged in with so much I want to say.  And so many times, I hold back.  Completely.

Sometimes I want to bear my feelings completely, but my fear over rides that need.

They say the internet is a great place to express yourself, and it is.

But not there is a lot of us who don’t want to go viral.  We just want our little place online where we feel safe enough to just be ourselves.

It has become something of an odd tug of war.  The pull to express ourselves on our blog, social media, and the apprehension to internet fame.

I rarely post anything personal on my social media pages anymore. I seldom engage in discussions social or political on social media.

Its an odd thing to argue when it seems like so many are eager to go viral.  In their minds, they are a viral blog post, or video away from stardom.

I don’t begrudge those who strive for this at all.  In fact, I say go for it, if it is what you want.

Like those who strive for viral stardom, there are those who hit unwanted viral fame, and the bright star is unwanted.

I think about this when I consider rebooting, and “putting myself out there”.  I don’t like that even my personal social media pages has come to lack my personality, and that this blog sits dormant because often I’m anxious about what I’m going to write.

Maybe there is a small part of some, that while the focus isn’t to make our blog, or Instagram take off, one certainly wouldn’t mind.

Then there are those who just want to enjoy their little corner of the internet.

I don’t think many people are prepared for internet fame.  It can come quickly and unexpectedly.  One blog post, one viral video, and one tweet.  That’s all it takes.


New Year

I spent the last few days of 2016, mostly reflective.  How could you not.  The new year was days away.  So on the last day of the year, as I folded laundry, and sat over a shredder, I thought back on the year.

I  have a second job.  Working two jobs is difficult, and ideally, I would love to have one full time job.  However, I’m very thankful that I was able to receive this opportunity.  I am always challenged, and I am continuing to learn about myself with each new opportunity.  Some of the things I’ve learn has surprised me, and helping my confidence that is sometimes low.  I’ve also met some amazing people, who are kind, and easy to talk to.

I spoke up.  In both jobs, I am in constant contact with various people.  Sometimes, they test your boundaries, challenge your authority.  I found myself speaking up more, defending myself, standing firm in my positions.  It surprised me how easy it came to me.  I don’t like confrontation, and avoidance is usually my answer.

I applied to graduate school.  I got in.  I start in the spring.  I’m about five years removed from undergraduate, so I am a bit nervous, but also very anxious to get started.

There were highs and lows.  There were good times, and there were not so good times.  There were success and there was failure.  There was growth.

So 2017?

I want to continue to build on the positives of 2016. I want to continue to grow and challenge myself.  I will be investing in myself, and pouring more into me.  It may sound selfish but self care, physically and mentally is a priority.  There’s no shame in putting yourself at the top of the list.  I won’t say yes when I mean no. I won’t let fear hold me back.

via Daily Prompt: Year



The Post-Election Blog Post

I had some issues at the polls election day. I’m not even certain my vote counted.  New York isn’t a a swing state, so I guess it didn’t matter to the outcome.

After a divisive, racist, xenophobic, and sexist campaign season, they want us to get together and hold hands.  Unity, they say.

Just like that that.

Have a I mention that social media is the worst?!

I thought that I would just be glad that its over.  Thanks to social media, cable news, I’m realizing that its only just beginning.

We are terribly divided right now, and its up to our new President to put us back together again.

Can he?  I don’t know.  Does he want or need to? After all, he rode the wave into the White House didn’t he?

“Give him a Chance”….I want to but…..

“He doesn’t mean all that stuff”…..Does anyone know that?

The truth was these were two very flawed candidates.  We could have chosen a third party candidate or write someone in on the ballot, but one of these two people were going to become our president.

There was always a chance you weren’t going to be happy with the results.

The People have spoken….or the electorate has spoken.

End of Summer


Summer doesn’t officially end until September 22, but we all know its really over after labor day.  Kids are back in school, and its back to business.  This is really going to impact my commute, that I’ve gotten so use to with my second job. So I’ve enjoyed the summer, and there are parts I’m going to miss.

  • I’m going to miss not getting stuck behind a school bus
  • My commuter seems shorter
  • Quiet train cars
  • Empty train cars
  • Not get beat up by large book bags
  • Traffic
  • Getting to work early
  • Not rushing

Its nothing personal against the kids, really.  I’m sure there are parts of the summer they will miss too.  I will miss it for them for my own selfish reason.  I just can’t not acknowledge how good commuting is when when school’s out.  I was was already sandwiched on a Q train after labor day.  Unofficial end of summer.

On the bright side, Fall is around the corner.  Apple cider and pumpkin spice!!!!

Book Lovers Day

In honor of book lover’s day, I’m going to give quick run down of what I’ve read this summer, and what’s still on my to be read list.

The first book I read at the start of the summer.  It was also on the library’s book suggestion list for summer reading. Romance novels are a guilty pleasure for me, so I didn’t hesitate to pick this one up. It definitely didn’t disappoint. I wouldn’t call this chick lit, but I would classify this as a beach read.  I read it very quickly. It was a nice way to kick off my summer reading.


This book was also on the library’s summer reading suggestion list.  I bypassed it a few times, but after reading the blurb, I was curious, and decided to give it a chance.  There is so much I could say about this book.  I think the best reading experiences are the ones where your book gives you more than you could ever expect.  Mild curiosity lead me to pick this book up, and I fell in love with it.

This is what I am currently reading now. In light of all the changes I’m witnessing in Brooklyn, this book seemed like a good read.  I’m only a few pages in, but I hope this book will dig deeper.

These are the last two on my to be read list. Interesting picks aren’t they?  After a few heavy reads, its good to jump into something light.

I also read these books in hardcover, no e-books.  So I’m celebrating book lover’s day with a good ole book in my hands.


That is how I felt when I realized the calendar turned to August.  I’ve never been as busy as I am, and it seemed like it crept up out of nowhere.  It was a reality check though.  If I’m going to do the things I plan to do, there is no place for procrastination, something I’m a professional at.  I’m balancing two  jobs that I really enjoy, I have graduate school applications I want out for the spring semester, other personal goals, and I really want to revive this neglected blog.

The initial panic subsided after realizing that panicking is silly.  Panicking gets you worked up and accomplishes nothing.  So I scolded myself for  panicking. I also went to target where back to school shopping is in full bloom.  I have been out of school for quite some time, and I found it was just what  I needed.  There was an atmosphere of excitement for the upcoming school year from kids and their parents.  This is how I hope to feel when I go back to school.  I want to do this. So  I grabbed a few things for myself.

I”m anxious but no longer panicked.  I’m currently working on deliberate time management.  This is certainly something different for someone who is so use to “winging it”.  I’m sure there will be trial and error along the way.  However, I am sure I will learn a few things, and hopefully have lots to share.

Neglectful Blogger

Oh how I have neglected this blog, after I made such big goals.  I know I have failed at them, but I’m not waving the white flag.  Not at all.

I have a lot going on.  New job (along with my other job), preparing grad school applications (is this going to happen for real this time?).  Its been exciting but I’m still trying to find balance.  Balance with both jobs, grad school essays, new challenges and time for myself.  I’m sure everything will work it self out, but this is where I am right now.  Its exciting and I have a little anxiety to go along with it all.

I wrote often when things were going bad for me.  With every disappointment, I came here to vent.  I don’t want this to become a space where I come to only when I run into bad luck or I am struggling.  So I’m going jump back into this.  It would be foolish to make any promises, but  I’m going to have to really be deliberate.

Back to Blogging.

Bouncing Back

Last was just a rough week.  It was a week that had so much promise for me.  Things were looking up.  I had an  interview the week before at a great organization.  I was so confident about it.  I had years of experience and skills that they were looking for.  The rapport was great with the individuals who were interviewing me.  I was careful not come off over confident.  I’m not usually that optimistic, and a ball of nerves, but I’ve never felt as confident for a interview as a I did for this one. I thought this was a sure thing.

At the start of last week’s work week, I received a message that I did not get the job.  To call it disappointing would be understating it.  I felt sick.  I almost didn’t show up for my current job.  Dramatic, I know.  It was a hit to my confidence.  I spent the week replaying it in my mind, obsessing over every question, response, and facial expression.  I’m thankful for the numerous people who couldn’t believe I didn’t the job, who told me it was their loss, because girlfriend definitely needed a boost.

I wish I could of return from my blogging absence with better news, but I’m trying to bounce back from the hit my confidence took.  Many have said to me, I’ll “land where I’m suppose to be”.  I’m sure that is true, but it stings when it is so fresh.  Another experience, another lesson to learn from.

Social Media Clean Up

Recently, I’ve been leaning up my tumblr page.  It was something I started after I graduated college. Like many people, I posted gifs, memes and quotes.  I was never a regular poster, and popped in months at a time.  Still, its been interesting to read some of things I posted.  It seemed like, I was giving myself pep talks and encouragement through social media.

Just a brief sample:

I’m sure many people who graduated from college have this feeling at some point.

Don’t count on people and things to make you happy.


Change is hard, but it is natural and normal, and often necessary.

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”

-Nora Roberts

Social media has been a prominent part of our culture since I graduated high school.  The beauty in social media is that you can see how much you have changed by something as simple as the things you post.  They may seem mundane at the time, but later on, they may very well, be part of a larger story.

My tumblr posts were a small trip into where I was at that time.  Alot has changed since I  reblogged those messages, but so much of  the message still applies.



Looks like I took a little blogging hiatus.  It wasn’t one I planned, but sometimes life gets the way.   Blogging is a challenging.    It is challenging when your busy.  It is challenging when your going through shit.  When your stressed and your emotions are everywhere.  It is challenging when you can’t decide if you want to share, and if so, how much.  It is a challenge to write about something other than what you are currently feeling.  It is a good kind of challenge because it is a challenge I make to myself.  Sometimes I rise to the the challenge, sometimes I back down, and the blog sits silent for days, and so we this little hiatus.

I hope I can get back to some form on consistency soon, but this is a start.