When Plans Fall Apart

I don’t consider myself to very organized but I have always been a planner.  As I was approaching the end of my college career, I made a list of the ways I was going to tackle post college life.  It was my five year plan.  How I was going to get my feel on solid ground and take life on.

The list is in  a notebook I use to jot down notes for miscellaneous things.  For sometime now, I have intentionally avoided that page.  I knew what was on it, and really did not want to see it.  Recently, I was going through the notebook, and stopped on this page.  I hadn’t plan on reading over my list, but in the spur of the moment, I looked over my hand writing and read what I wrote almost 5 years ago.

I felt this overwhelming feeling of disappointment.  On top of that, failure.  Not much has changed since I jotted down my plans, and yet so much has.  I was ambitious, and optimistic when I wrote my plans.  I have met so many setbacks that is hard for me to recognize the optimistic girl with the rosy outlook.  I did write it, so I was her once upon a time.

I tried to figure out where I came across my first hiccup.  I couldn’t put my finger on it. It doesn’t matter what that first hiccup was.  What matters was that I didn’t adjust.  I made plans, things fell apart, and I couldn’t adjust.  I was moving  in a haze of confusion.

I like order, I like going to work or school knowing what I’m going to do every day.  If a professor  canceled a class while I was a student, I would be ecstatic  of course, but at the same time, I’m trying to figure what I’m going to do with myself.  At work, I really need to see the schedule for the next day before I leave.  I can’t help it.  And if someone changes it, I’m thrown off completely.  I’m learning to adjust. Its necessary.

The old saying “life is what happens when your busy making plans” has never been more true for me.  The other cliche about life having twist and turns , true for me as well.  I waited for things to fall into place, so I could get  back to my list, after all I had a plan. The thing is, you can plan all you want to, nothing is certain. What matters is how you respond when things don’t go your way.   Thats life. Lesson learned.

A Good Kind of Busy

The last few weeks, I have a been filled with optimism.  I have been getting phone calls, and emails with requests for interviews.  So far, no offers, but that is okay.  It is my belief that the more interviews I do, the closer I get to where I’m suppose to be.  In a city like New York, where I imagine the competition is fierce, I believe that you have to make the most out of every opportunity.  And never put all your eggs in one basket, the disappointment really stings when it doesn’t work out.

I’ve gotten more confident with my interviews.  I no longer feel nervous, no matter the company or the position.  Whether I’m being interviewed by one person or two.   In one of my interviews, the manager actually commented on how comfortable I appeared. This was not the case in the beginning.  The very thought of an interview made me nervous.   I’m talking sweaty palms, and shaky voice.  I no longer feel that I have to spend a long time rehearsing.  Too many times, I’ve rehearsed in a mirror, only for my answers to not come out the way I want or for the questions I prepped for not be asked.  Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t prepare, and rehearse, because you should.  However, for me, things flow more easily when I wasn’t talking like I memorized a script.

I am thankful for every opportunity I get to interview for a position.  While I haven’t received any offers yet, I look at where I was when I started this process, and I really have come a long way.