End of Summer

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Summer doesn’t officially end until September 22, but we all know its really over after labor day.  Kids are back in school, and its back to business.  This is really going to impact my commute, that I’ve gotten so use to with my second job. So I’ve enjoyed the summer, and there are parts I’m going to miss.

  • I’m going to miss not getting stuck behind a school bus
  • My commuter seems shorter
  • Quiet train cars
  • Empty train cars
  • Not get beat up by large book bags
  • Traffic
  • Getting to work early
  • Not rushing

Its nothing personal against the kids, really.  I’m sure there are parts of the summer they will miss too.  I will miss it for them for my own selfish reason.  I just can’t not acknowledge how good commuting is when when school’s out.  I was was already sandwiched on a Q train after labor day.  Unofficial end of summer.

On the bright side, Fall is around the corner.  Apple cider and pumpkin spice!!!!

Unbalanced

That is how I felt when I realized the calendar turned to August.  I’ve never been as busy as I am, and it seemed like it crept up out of nowhere.  It was a reality check though.  If I’m going to do the things I plan to do, there is no place for procrastination, something I’m a professional at.  I’m balancing two  jobs that I really enjoy, I have graduate school applications I want out for the spring semester, other personal goals, and I really want to revive this neglected blog.

The initial panic subsided after realizing that panicking is silly.  Panicking gets you worked up and accomplishes nothing.  So I scolded myself for  panicking. I also went to target where back to school shopping is in full bloom.  I have been out of school for quite some time, and I found it was just what  I needed.  There was an atmosphere of excitement for the upcoming school year from kids and their parents.  This is how I hope to feel when I go back to school.  I want to do this. So  I grabbed a few things for myself.

I”m anxious but no longer panicked.  I’m currently working on deliberate time management.  This is certainly something different for someone who is so use to “winging it”.  I’m sure there will be trial and error along the way.  However, I am sure I will learn a few things, and hopefully have lots to share.

Neglectful Blogger

Oh how I have neglected this blog, after I made such big goals.  I know I have failed at them, but I’m not waving the white flag.  Not at all.

I have a lot going on.  New job (along with my other job), preparing grad school applications (is this going to happen for real this time?).  Its been exciting but I’m still trying to find balance.  Balance with both jobs, grad school essays, new challenges and time for myself.  I’m sure everything will work it self out, but this is where I am right now.  Its exciting and I have a little anxiety to go along with it all.

I wrote often when things were going bad for me.  With every disappointment, I came here to vent.  I don’t want this to become a space where I come to only when I run into bad luck or I am struggling.  So I’m going jump back into this.  It would be foolish to make any promises, but  I’m going to have to really be deliberate.

Back to Blogging.

Social Media Clean Up

Recently, I’ve been leaning up my tumblr page.  It was something I started after I graduated college. Like many people, I posted gifs, memes and quotes.  I was never a regular poster, and popped in months at a time.  Still, its been interesting to read some of things I posted.  It seemed like, I was giving myself pep talks and encouragement through social media.

Just a brief sample:

I’m sure many people who graduated from college have this feeling at some point.

Don’t count on people and things to make you happy.

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Change is hard, but it is natural and normal, and often necessary.

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”

-Nora Roberts

Social media has been a prominent part of our culture since I graduated high school.  The beauty in social media is that you can see how much you have changed by something as simple as the things you post.  They may seem mundane at the time, but later on, they may very well, be part of a larger story.

My tumblr posts were a small trip into where I was at that time.  Alot has changed since I  reblogged those messages, but so much of  the message still applies.

 

Hiatus

Looks like I took a little blogging hiatus.  It wasn’t one I planned, but sometimes life gets the way.   Blogging is a challenging.    It is challenging when your busy.  It is challenging when your going through shit.  When your stressed and your emotions are everywhere.  It is challenging when you can’t decide if you want to share, and if so, how much.  It is a challenge to write about something other than what you are currently feeling.  It is a good kind of challenge because it is a challenge I make to myself.  Sometimes I rise to the the challenge, sometimes I back down, and the blog sits silent for days, and so we this little hiatus.

I hope I can get back to some form on consistency soon, but this is a start.

Weighing In

I stepped on the scale a few weeks ago.  It had been awhile since I stepped on the scale.  I don’t know how it happened, as I was nearly obsessed with weighing myself during the early part of my weight loss journey.  I eventually had to break up with the scale.  Didn’t like the mental games it played with me.

Fast forward to a few years, and perhaps before that.  I didn’t like the way I my clothes were fitting, but I ignored it for awhile.  I saw that I looked different in the mirror.  Then I ripped my pants not long ago, and pushed it aside, but I knew I had put on weight. I was 230 at my heaviest, and I’m conscious about never going back to that.  So I decided to weigh myself, just to get an idea of where I am.

After weighing myself, I decided to go back to basics.  I haven’t been in a good place emotionally, and I have always been an emotional eater.  So this part has been a struggle.  I am back to tracking my food, and exercise.  I am currently working on changing up my exercise to make it not only challenging, but fun again.

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Lucky, Unlucky

I noticed something was missing as soon as I starting walking down the steps of the subway.  My bank card wasn’t in its usual spot.  I continued to the platform, and searched my wallet.  Its possible I pushed it somewhere else in haste.  When I couldn’t find it in my wallet, I searched my purse.  Not there either.

I ran up the stairs of the subway.  Maybe I dropped it when I opened my wallet for my metrocard, I thought.  No such luck.  I went back up to the street, still unsure what I was going to do.  If I dropped my card on the street, what are the chances of finding it, on busy wall street, and who knows how long its been missing.

There was a bank near by.  I could have reported it missing, and gotten a new one issued there.  However, it was rush hour, and likely very busy.  I decided to take a chance.  I knew it was unlikely I would find it, but I had made up my mind.  I would retrace my steps, and call the bank and when I reached my earliest location.

Halfway into retracing my steps, I went into a building I bought snacks from earlier.  I checked the lobby of building, the stairs and escalator.  No sign of the card.  I took the escalator right up to the floor of the store.  As I approached the cashier, he asked me, “are you…..”.  I was thankful, relieved, and happy that I had some good luck thrown my way.   Relieved that I found it, and happy that I didn’t have to walk  back to where I started that afternoon.

I was resign to the thought that I would not find it.  When you have the kind of luck that I seem to, you tend to have low expectations. It was good to experience some good fortune.  It was fleeting.

The following day, on my way to work, I was getting in a cab, and heard a ripping sound.  The sound I was hearing was the sound of my pants ripping.  Pure embarrassment  Good luck, it was nice while it lasted