Looking Back, Looking Ahead

Goodbye, 2015.  Hello, 2016.

Its hard to jump into 2016, without at the very least, glancing back at 2015.  There were many ups and downs.  There were times when it was more down than up, and sometimes more up than down.  All of it made for good times and bad times.

The moments that I really treasured in 2015 were when I did something I was afraid of doing.  I’ve made new relationships with coworkers, I’ve gone to places I was afraid of going, I went out more, I’ve made progress being social, going out, meeting new people, and  I gained a level on confidence that  I did not have but hope to continue to gain.  I’ve found great bloggers on this platform.  All of whom have been supportive and encouraging.

Of course 2015, was filled with its portion of disappointments.  There were times I was depressed and discouraged.  I was confused about the direction I was going, or wasn’t going and I questioned myself at every turn.

In 2016, I am going to continue to improve on the positive, and grow in areas where I struggled in 2016.  I want to be deliberate about writing in this space more often.  I’m even contemplating removing some of the anonymity of the blog.  A step towards eventually removing it completely perhaps?  It is scary for me to think about, but I’m open to it.  I plan to do more things that scare me this year.

 

To The New Year

We all make resolutions for the new year as it approaches, even when we say we don’t.  We may not voice them out lout, but most of us have them, even if we don’t call them resolutions.  Whether written, or said verbally, we reflect on the year that is coming to a close.  There were moments you look back on smile, moments you look back on and wish your could change.  You reflect on yourself, your family, friends, and your relationships.  You look back, and then you look ahead.

Its hard to not understand the excitement.  Whatever 2014 was to many of us, we are looking towards something greater and more fulfilling.  We are either looking forward to continuing with the achievements we’ve made, or improve on our disappointments.  So beyond the parties, and celebrations, what also makes the New Year exciting is optimism.

My resolutions this is year includes working on my disappointment.  I had a quite a few interviews, but no job offer.  Being contacted for a job interview is the first step towards landing the job, so I’m not going to change what I’ve been doing as far as getting my resume out, unless it improves the chances of my resume being noticed and selected.  I’m hoping to get more interviews because I do believe I’m gotten better with each one.

I thought about leaving my current job even though I don’t have another lined up.  I’ve thought hard and long about this, and I’m just not uncomfortable with any decision right now.  To keep it simple, I’m still thinking about it.

I use to think I was loner, and that I enjoyed being a loner.  Maybe I did for awhile, but I learned in 2014, that maybe I wasn’t a loner, maybe that I was just afraid.  I don’t make friends easily, and the friends I do have, I’ve known most of my life.  However, they are all scattered now, and the idea of making new friends intimidates me.  Toward the end of the year, I’ve become more open.  I small talk when someone tries to engage me while on line in a store or looking at a item, and I’ve started talking to coworkers I’ve never had a conversation with.   Its progress I hope to continue into the new year.

I don’t consider myself a hoarder, but I have a hard time letting things go.  Jeans and other clothing from my heavier days, high school and college papers, college acceptance and rejection letters and my prom dress hangs in my closet as if it was recently worn.  At least it is in the back of the closet.  I intend to do a lot of throwing away in the coming weeks.

I’m also going to be more deliberate about speaking up for myself.  I’m not going to bring passive with me into the New Year.  I’m also going to do more things by myself, rather than not do them because I thought I would be out of place being alone.

These are my resolutions.  Nothing grand, just realistic and simple enough for me.

So here’s to 2015.  Like many tonight, I’m riding the wave of optimism.