If I leave

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “If You Leave.”

Its a question I ask myself every time I consider leaving my job.  It’s what I ask when I think about leaving New York City.  These aren’t easy decisions, and not decisions that I can make on impulse.  Yet I have major admiration for people who can do these things on impulse.

The downside to leaving my job is that I don’t have another one lined up.  So while I want to leave, to leave without something lined up would be very irresponsible.  The upside is limitless. Maybe I’ll find a job where I will be happy and enjoy what  I do, where I look forward to coming into work every day, and the jump in pay goes without saying.

Leaving your city is equally hard.  The upside of leaving the city is starting fresh somewhere new.  A new city means new friends, and new opportunities.  The downside is leaving your family and friends, which is not easy.

I realize that you have to do something that scares you.  No matter how big your fear, you have to go for it.  Its easier said than done.  Its why I admire people who take these chances, sometimes without hesitation.  The person who goes across the country to be apart of a startup, the person who leaves their job to become a full time blogger, and the person who leaves their good paying job because they were unhappy.  I wish I had even just a little bit of their courage.

Express Yourself

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Express Yourself!.”

I’m not a singer, and I don’t have a good voice.

I do not play any instruments.

I have no artistic talents. I can’t draw and I have no crafting talents.

I’m no actress.

I have no photographic skills, none that would make a me a amateur.

When I need to express myself, I just write.  I’m by no means the world’s best writer, but it is my outlet.  I can write about my feelings, I can write about my day, and I can write something completely made up.  Any story that forms in my head.  Stories that make no sense to anyone else, but I found it worth writing.

Whether pen to paper, or typing on a keyboard, writing has always been my way to express myself.  Especially since I’ve been somewhat uncomfortable expressing myself outwardly.  Sometimes I share, sometimes I don’t.  It is my little outlet of expression..

Not Failing

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Must Not Fail.”  What is the one thing at which you are the most afraid of failing?

I’m sure everyone has their own definition of failure.  For me, I’m most afraid of failing myself.  I’m not talking about a list of things I want to accomplish.  I’m talking about not making the attempt, not even trying.  I’d rather try and fall, than cowardly not try at all. At least, I could look at myself in the mirror, and know I gave it my best shot. I do not see that as failure.

I’m most afraid that I will allow my fear of failure to lead me  down a path where I do not take the risks necessary to get the answers to the questions I need.  Do things work out the way I want, or do they not?  It is a real fear, but what is worse, is never knowing. We all have expectations of ourselves, and goals.  Some we voice, some we don’t.  Its there in all of us.  When I can look at myself, and be satisfied, I know that I have not failed myself.

Out of Reach

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Out of Reach.”

Write about the one X that got away — a person, an experience, a place you wanted to visit. How much would you change about your life to have it within reach again?

Sometimes I find myself in a state where I second guess every decision I every made. I sometimes I find myself second guessing the college I chose, and second guessing the major I chose. Now, I’m not sure how I came to those decision, so I’m just left wondering. I also find myself wishing I had told a guy I like how I feel about him after finally getting the opportunity to get to know him. I wish I had the courage back then, but to be honest, I don’t think I would of had the courage today. I sometimes wonder about the guys who I didn’t give a chance. I had my reasons, but maybe while nothing would of come from anything with these guys, maybe I would of gained some knew friends. I guess I’ll never know.

I see my decision to not study abroad as a missed opportunity. One that will always bother me. I was on pace to graduate a semester later than expected. It was disappointing, so I bypassed the opportunity focusing entirely on finishing school. In hindsight, I should of just went for it. After all, I was already on pace to graduate school later than expected, so I should of for it. There was nothing to lose, but in my mind there was. The only thing I lost was very good opportunity to experience something amazing.

I’m also a different person now than when I made those decisions. What if I were more confident, and more sure of myself, maybe I would of made the decisions that scared me, rather than let it get away, leaving me to wonder “what if?”

The thing about missed opportunities is, you seldom get the same opportunity twice. If we all did, there would be no hesitation about the choices we would make. We now know the outcome of the choices we made, and the missed chances. This time it would be easy, versus the last when we were unsure. I think this why we do so much second guessing, and become nostalgic in our “if I had to do it over again” stories.

Even when I find myself second guessing myself, I remind myself that I made my decision. No matter how much it pains me and how much I regret it, it is in the past. There is nothing I could do now. So I try to leave those actions in the past. Chalk it up as an experience to learn from, and move forward.

How Far For Someone You Love

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Take Me to the Moon.”

How far would you go for someone you love? How far would you want someone else to go for you?

I have always describe myself as loyal in all my relationships.  I don’t loiter in the middle.  When I’m in, I’m all in. I don’t give my trust and my love easily, so when I give it, I give it because there is no questions about how I feel.

Outside of breaking the law, I doubt there is anything I wouldn’t do for the ones I love.  I am a constant ear, and shoulder to lean on. I do it without thinking.

Sometimes I wonder about my own loyalty.  Because While I know there is very little within my power I wouldn’t do for the ones I love, how sure am I that they feel same.  Sometimes I think a bout reigning it in.  The thing about giving your love freely is how easy people take advantage.  They know there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for them, and rather than be thankful, and grateful, they exploit your love.

I think we are all willing to go as far as we can for the ones we love.  We just want the ones we love to do the same.

Laundry

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Those Dishes Won’t Do Themselves.”

I don’t enjoy doing any household chores.  I do chores out of need, and without any enjoyment.  Laundry is my least favorite.  I’ve hated it since I started doing my own laundry.

I dislike laundry so much, I’ll sometimes I wait until I’m running out of clothes to even think about doing it.  I’ve waited until I am down to my last article of clothing.  I have even gone shopping to delay my laundry duties.

I can’t pin point why the reasons why I dislike it so much.  I really dislike cleaning the bathroom, but I don’t go out of my way to avoid it. As a kid, I hated doing the dishes, but as an adult, I hate seeing dishes in the sink.

I think its the holding and putting away of clothing that I hate.  It is so tedious, and time consuming. I could be reading a book.

Its a Text, Text, Text, Text, Text World

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “It’s a Text, Text, Text, Text World.”

How do you communicate differently online than in person, if at all? How do you communicate emotion and intent in a purely written medium?

I think its becoming clear that the preferred method of communication for many people is online.  Whether its through twitter, emails, Facebook, or other social media outlets, people find communicating through these gateways easier, especially for those who find social situations intimidating.

The problem with communicating online is that it makes so many things impersonal, and it clouds who we are and the kind of relationship we may have with people. I have known people who started up a relationship online, and when they finally have nothing to say to each other, and find it harder to connect in person.

Online, we can be who ever we want to be, and say whatever we want to say, because its easier, and the anonymity sometimes makes us safe.  However, in our regular, face to face interactions, we offer nothing.  So who are you really?

Personally, I know I am a little bit more honest about my feelings online. Not just online, but in text messages.  I think before I hit send because emotion is so hard to communicate through text. There are very few people who would caught on to how I’m feeling without having spelling it all out.  And if your having a conversation with someone, you want them to know how you feel.

Emotion is hard to communicate in a purely written forum.  But maybe its good that we have to spell it out?