If I leave

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “If You Leave.”

Its a question I ask myself every time I consider leaving my job.  It’s what I ask when I think about leaving New York City.  These aren’t easy decisions, and not decisions that I can make on impulse.  Yet I have major admiration for people who can do these things on impulse.

The downside to leaving my job is that I don’t have another one lined up.  So while I want to leave, to leave without something lined up would be very irresponsible.  The upside is limitless. Maybe I’ll find a job where I will be happy and enjoy what  I do, where I look forward to coming into work every day, and the jump in pay goes without saying.

Leaving your city is equally hard.  The upside of leaving the city is starting fresh somewhere new.  A new city means new friends, and new opportunities.  The downside is leaving your family and friends, which is not easy.

I realize that you have to do something that scares you.  No matter how big your fear, you have to go for it.  Its easier said than done.  Its why I admire people who take these chances, sometimes without hesitation.  The person who goes across the country to be apart of a startup, the person who leaves their job to become a full time blogger, and the person who leaves their good paying job because they were unhappy.  I wish I had even just a little bit of their courage.

Express Yourself

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Express Yourself!.”

I’m not a singer, and I don’t have a good voice.

I do not play any instruments.

I have no artistic talents. I can’t draw and I have no crafting talents.

I’m no actress.

I have no photographic skills, none that would make a me a amateur.

When I need to express myself, I just write.  I’m by no means the world’s best writer, but it is my outlet.  I can write about my feelings, I can write about my day, and I can write something completely made up.  Any story that forms in my head.  Stories that make no sense to anyone else, but I found it worth writing.

Whether pen to paper, or typing on a keyboard, writing has always been my way to express myself.  Especially since I’ve been somewhat uncomfortable expressing myself outwardly.  Sometimes I share, sometimes I don’t.  It is my little outlet of expression..

Not Failing

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Must Not Fail.”  What is the one thing at which you are the most afraid of failing?

I’m sure everyone has their own definition of failure.  For me, I’m most afraid of failing myself.  I’m not talking about a list of things I want to accomplish.  I’m talking about not making the attempt, not even trying.  I’d rather try and fall, than cowardly not try at all. At least, I could look at myself in the mirror, and know I gave it my best shot. I do not see that as failure.

I’m most afraid that I will allow my fear of failure to lead me  down a path where I do not take the risks necessary to get the answers to the questions I need.  Do things work out the way I want, or do they not?  It is a real fear, but what is worse, is never knowing. We all have expectations of ourselves, and goals.  Some we voice, some we don’t.  Its there in all of us.  When I can look at myself, and be satisfied, I know that I have not failed myself.

Out of Reach

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Out of Reach.”

Write about the one X that got away — a person, an experience, a place you wanted to visit. How much would you change about your life to have it within reach again?

Sometimes I find myself in a state where I second guess every decision I every made. I sometimes I find myself second guessing the college I chose, and second guessing the major I chose. Now, I’m not sure how I came to those decision, so I’m just left wondering. I also find myself wishing I had told a guy I like how I feel about him after finally getting the opportunity to get to know him. I wish I had the courage back then, but to be honest, I don’t think I would of had the courage today. I sometimes wonder about the guys who I didn’t give a chance. I had my reasons, but maybe while nothing would of come from anything with these guys, maybe I would of gained some knew friends. I guess I’ll never know.

I see my decision to not study abroad as a missed opportunity. One that will always bother me. I was on pace to graduate a semester later than expected. It was disappointing, so I bypassed the opportunity focusing entirely on finishing school. In hindsight, I should of just went for it. After all, I was already on pace to graduate school later than expected, so I should of for it. There was nothing to lose, but in my mind there was. The only thing I lost was very good opportunity to experience something amazing.

I’m also a different person now than when I made those decisions. What if I were more confident, and more sure of myself, maybe I would of made the decisions that scared me, rather than let it get away, leaving me to wonder “what if?”

The thing about missed opportunities is, you seldom get the same opportunity twice. If we all did, there would be no hesitation about the choices we would make. We now know the outcome of the choices we made, and the missed chances. This time it would be easy, versus the last when we were unsure. I think this why we do so much second guessing, and become nostalgic in our “if I had to do it over again” stories.

Even when I find myself second guessing myself, I remind myself that I made my decision. No matter how much it pains me and how much I regret it, it is in the past. There is nothing I could do now. So I try to leave those actions in the past. Chalk it up as an experience to learn from, and move forward.

How Far For Someone You Love

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Take Me to the Moon.”

How far would you go for someone you love? How far would you want someone else to go for you?

I have always describe myself as loyal in all my relationships.  I don’t loiter in the middle.  When I’m in, I’m all in. I don’t give my trust and my love easily, so when I give it, I give it because there is no questions about how I feel.

Outside of breaking the law, I doubt there is anything I wouldn’t do for the ones I love.  I am a constant ear, and shoulder to lean on. I do it without thinking.

Sometimes I wonder about my own loyalty.  Because While I know there is very little within my power I wouldn’t do for the ones I love, how sure am I that they feel same.  Sometimes I think a bout reigning it in.  The thing about giving your love freely is how easy people take advantage.  They know there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for them, and rather than be thankful, and grateful, they exploit your love.

I think we are all willing to go as far as we can for the ones we love.  We just want the ones we love to do the same.

Laundry

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Those Dishes Won’t Do Themselves.”

I don’t enjoy doing any household chores.  I do chores out of need, and without any enjoyment.  Laundry is my least favorite.  I’ve hated it since I started doing my own laundry.

I dislike laundry so much, I’ll sometimes I wait until I’m running out of clothes to even think about doing it.  I’ve waited until I am down to my last article of clothing.  I have even gone shopping to delay my laundry duties.

I can’t pin point why the reasons why I dislike it so much.  I really dislike cleaning the bathroom, but I don’t go out of my way to avoid it. As a kid, I hated doing the dishes, but as an adult, I hate seeing dishes in the sink.

I think its the holding and putting away of clothing that I hate.  It is so tedious, and time consuming. I could be reading a book.

Its a Text, Text, Text, Text, Text World

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “It’s a Text, Text, Text, Text World.”

How do you communicate differently online than in person, if at all? How do you communicate emotion and intent in a purely written medium?

I think its becoming clear that the preferred method of communication for many people is online.  Whether its through twitter, emails, Facebook, or other social media outlets, people find communicating through these gateways easier, especially for those who find social situations intimidating.

The problem with communicating online is that it makes so many things impersonal, and it clouds who we are and the kind of relationship we may have with people. I have known people who started up a relationship online, and when they finally have nothing to say to each other, and find it harder to connect in person.

Online, we can be who ever we want to be, and say whatever we want to say, because its easier, and the anonymity sometimes makes us safe.  However, in our regular, face to face interactions, we offer nothing.  So who are you really?

Personally, I know I am a little bit more honest about my feelings online. Not just online, but in text messages.  I think before I hit send because emotion is so hard to communicate through text. There are very few people who would caught on to how I’m feeling without having spelling it all out.  And if your having a conversation with someone, you want them to know how you feel.

Emotion is hard to communicate in a purely written forum.  But maybe its good that we have to spell it out?

We Build This City…If I were Mayor

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “We Built This City.”

What do you love most about the city / town / place that you live in? What do you like the least about it? If you were mayor, what would be the most important problem you’d tackle? How would you tackle it?

I live in New York City.  More specifically Brooklyn.

I love my city.  I love the diversity of my city.  I love the various kinds of people you can come across in one day.  I love our museums, our botanical gardens, our zoos, our restaurants, I love our sport teams.  I love rooting against the Yankees, and I love rooting for my Mets. I love the over all fast pace of it all.

There is so much I love about my city, but I’ve watched it change.  There are very few real New Yorkers.  So many are transplants chasing a life they’ve read and dreamed about.  We’re seeing neighborhoods change.  People can’t afford to stay in there own neighborhoods any more.  The constant building of high rises, that go unoccupied because so very few people can afford it.  I’m not trying to sound political, but the line between the haves and the haves not are so far in between, they hardly see each other.

If I were Mayor the first problem, I would tackle is Education.  Specifically “failing schools”.  I don’t understand how closing a “failing school”, addresses the problem at him.  It seems to be a easy solution because people are too lazy to try.

I would improve our public places like Libraries, with free workshop and classes.

No more vacant high rises.  perhaps a rule that 60-70 percent of the units need to rented/sold when the building is fully completed, and the owner or building management is taking on buyers or renters.

The public transit system has been can’t continue to drain the pockets of New Yorkers.  The price goes up almost every other year, and since there are no other options, people will pay, because there is no other choice.  My solution is to create another choice.  At the rate we its going, I fear we will be paying  $5 for a one way trip.

I don’t think the minimum wage should be $15, but I don’t think it should be $8.75 either…atleast in NYC.

Too Big To Fail: Fear of Failure….and Success?

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Too Big To Fail.”

Tell us about something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail (and tell us why you haven’t tried it yet).

I would attempt to be a full time writer.  I would write books, I would write articles for magazines, and online publications.  It would be my career.  Making my hours, working from where I want to work, doing what I enjoy.  If you tell me that I am sure to succeed, I would start right away.

So why haven’t I given this some serious thought, or make a serious attempt at it.  Well, the answer is pretty simple, fear.

Fear of failing, and in some ways fear of succeeding.

I can remember back in school, when a teacher would return our written assignments after grading them.  There were a few teachers who encouraged us to share our work, and some would volunteer you to share your work.  I think this was where I started to develop a fear for success.  I was painfully shy, and quiet.  Nothing scared me more than having to stand in front of a class, and read my poems, and other writings.

I had a English teacher who encouraged me to sign up for the school newspaper.  I quit shortly after I started.  The thought of the entire school reading my work was intimidating.

Then there’s the idea of failure.

What scared me most about success was the attention it would bring. I’ve always been intimidated when I knew all eyes were on me.  Failure though would hurt.  It would mean that what I believed about myself was not true.  I can put on a good face for the sake of all the attention I would get if I were to succeed, but there would be no pretending if I were to fail.  Failure would mean that I wasn’t as good as I thought I was.  That would absolutely rock my self esteem.  That could take time some time to come back from.

I know that the “no guarantees” is what makes the journey to success fulfilling. I also know that the “no guarantees” is what keeps many from trying.

Transporter: Reggae Music

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Transporter.”

Old school reggae music brings me back to the period of my childhood before I moved to America.  I’ve lived most my life as an American citizen, and most of my memories of living in Jamaica are hard for me to remember.  What I do remember was the fun, no matter how things were.  I remember the hardness, and simplicity of life.  I remember dreaming of America.  I remember just how care free and innocent I was.